sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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