My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
