just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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