Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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