dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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