So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
