Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
