We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just pee around me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
