So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
