he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
