I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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