Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
