ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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