who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
