I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize