Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
