my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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