I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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