The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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