Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
