Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
