she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
