I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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