You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
