it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
