I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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