Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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