yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
