I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
