I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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