Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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