I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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