This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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