I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize