Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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