I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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