So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
