i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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