In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
