You're so nebulous sometimes
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize