I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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