I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
