Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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