The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My vagina is officially offended.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
