You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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