Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
