I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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