I'm drive I can fine osifer
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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