no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
