i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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