Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
