Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
