we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
