It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
