You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
