i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
