dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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