girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
