she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
