The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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