I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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