she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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