Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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