I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize