remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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