Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize