I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
